Progress...

I've gotten an offer from Kansas State University. Free tuition and $10,000 a year. In exchange, I will be expected to teach expository writing to their undergraduate students in the fall. Although it's a tempting offer, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that it also scares the bejeezus out of me. I don't feel old enough for the responsibility. Less than four years ago, I was a freshman in college, without a major or any direction in life... hell, I still remember what it felt like to  be a freshman in high school!

My biggest fear in high school was that I wouldn't get into a good college. I severely underestimated my talents, and felt that I was not smart enough or involved enough to get into a “good” school. I had always just assumed I'd go to college, but in all honesty, I had never really given college any thought. I put off thinking and deciding until the very last minute, but when I couldn't avoid it any more, I was practically frozen with the fear that I would somehow fail.

Now, I can't believe how foolish I was.

Not only was I accepted into all of the schools I applied for, but my high grades qualified me for a variety of scholarships and, in one case, a prestigious honors program. I ended up following my gut and chose Keene State College for it's small class sizes, low price tag, beautiful scenic campus and the academic challenge promised by their Honors catalog. Overall, the experience has been a really positive one. The classes, while work-intensive, haven't been particularly challenging or difficult, and KSC provided me with the tools and experiences I needed to grow and become a more mature and assertive position.Not to mention it also gave me an opportunity to meet a group of fascinating and intelligent people who have changed me for the better.

And now...Now I'm a senior, procrastinating on my final papers and looking forward to two more years of education, but I don't feel any different than that girl who didn't know what school to pick. How the hell is it that they expect me - of all people- to teach a course on writing?! And what makes them so sure I won't crash and burn and ruin the academic future of all their students? They must be insane!